Introduction to my channel on YouTube: youtube.com/@autisticnow
- Friendships:
- Had few friends throughout life-usually one or two at a time.
- Socially:
- Need directness – spell it out – no games
- Awkward
- Stressful
- Does not like large gatherings
- Does not fit in – feels invisible or alien
- Ruminates over conversations (Should I have said this instead of that? Did they notice I was nervous? Was I rude when I mentioned the obvious truth?…)
- Infodumps on casual listeners
- Exhausted when home again.
- Emotionally:
- Confused
- Easy Cry Trigger
- Illiterate
- Logical, Analytical, Overthinker, Super Planner
- Seems defiant – always need to know why
- Literal Interpretation:
- Takes things literally
- Trouble reading between the lines or with sarcasm
- Exceptional Photographic Memory
- Remember huge amounts of information
- Write it down to remember
- Long term memory intact from age 4
- Trouble speaking up or sometimes speaking at all
- Stress or conflict invokes selective mutism – cannot speak
- Mimic, Mask, Camouflage, Act very well
- Required to survive strict Catholic parents
- Would get spanked for not conforming to the norm
- Autism was not recognized during my school years – had no choice but to behave and struggle
- Hyper Sensitivities
- Extraordinary sense of smell, taste, and hearing
- Detect smells and sounds no one else does
- Hypo Sensitivities
- High threshold for pain
- Intense Passions / Special Interests (age -interest)
- 12-21 -Gymnastics
- 6-current -Photography
- 23-26 -Ice Dancing
- 14-50 -Mothering
- 14-16 -Acting in HS
- 20-current -Computers & Technology
- 22-current -Graphic Design
- 30-current -Photoshop Design
- 45-current -Videography / Video Editing
- Stims
- Chewing Gum
- Biting Nails
- Shaking Foot
- Posturing like flamingo (one foot leaning on knee)
- Swaying / Rocking / Pacing
- Smoking
- Oral Pain
- Tapping/Clicking Nails
- Meltdowns – Always Trigger Selective Mutism
- When confronted with conflict
- When arrested
- At Dentist Office (60 years old) – was sent home and required sedative for future visits
- Betrayal
- Bullying
- When husband drank alcohol – every weekend for 18 years – would curl into ball on sofa like a baby and rock with hands over ears while crying
- Being mocked
- Shutdowns
- Often needed \\\”mental health day\\\” from school \\\”I don\\\’t feel good.\\\”
- Often overwhelmed by social events, work events, family gatherings, etc. – need to shutdown afterward
- Burn Outs
- After being overwhelmed for years financially as a result of ex-husband emotionally kidnapping children (have permanent restraining order for verbal threat of physical kidnapping)
- Kids brainwashed by ex-husbands negative verbiage about me since divorce
- After years of harassment by ex-husband through courts and alienation of kids
- After crumbling and not able to work or pay bills or keep house or eat or take care of myself
- Executive Functioning
- Ability to manage executive functions became worse after burn out
- Lack of Eye Contact
- I remember working on improving eye contact in my late teens
- Visual not Auditory
- Sense of moral justice
- Obsessed about fixing things or making it right
- Patterns, Attention to Details
- Spinning Decisions
- Brutally blunt and honest
