Hello, my name is Kim. Welcome to Autistic Now.
I create regular videos sharing experiences and topics related to living and growing old with ASD, aka Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I am over the hill and recently discovered I am Autistic, Level 1, previously known as Aspergers.
Since my discovery I took multiple Autism and Aspergers tests passing without a doubt every time.
While obsessively researched Autism for over 5 years, including through other Autistic people’s eyes learning about and dismantling the mystery of ASD, I was born Autistic and I will die Autistic. This is a fact. My uncle and father were autistic, as well as some of my cousins. My siblings are not Autistic. Aspergers became an official diagnostic term in 1992 with Girls not considered for Asperger’s until 2000 and later (1 in 500 girls).
Next I’ve analyzed the results of my Autistic tests, sorted through each category, created numerous outlines and reports on how each topic relates to me, researched more, created a website and Youtube Channel, ditched that and created a new website and YouTube Channel three more times which is currently branded “Over the Hill Autistic.” I went through my entire life trying to understand who I am, and finally came to terms with my new reality… I am Autistic.
Pretending to be normal most of my life became second nature until I could not mask any longer and things started to fall apart. In my 50’s I had a complete shut down / burn out / mental break down and could not work, could not pay bills, became a near shut-in/agoraphobic, sold my house and went bankrupt. I didn’t at much for years and was malnourished. I was in constant pain from Osteoarthritis in my hands, feet and back. I cried all the time. I did not take care of myself and gave up on my teeth from years of serious dental trauma/phobias. A dentist’s chair to an Autist is torture. Bright lights, nasty smells, drill sounds that would trigger me trauma in my sleep.
Diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, amongst other issues, I was totally isolated from family and people and at that point I was officially disabled. I’ve reached a point where I didn’t care anymore because I was exhausted from battling the forces against the current.
I was bullied and could not speak up most of my life – who am I kidding – all of my life including currently. I am honest, blunt, and tell it like I see it. It took me some years to shed my mask and brave the world without filters, lies, pretending, or hiding. It was time to face the world with as much transparency and honesty as possible.
Often I am a combination of shrink / advocate / friend and can only be dealt with in small doses as I am intense and provoke triggers because sometimes dig deep truths that are difficult to face. Researching to the max is way beyond what most people do which that alone makes me an anomaly or more commonly verbalized as “weirdo”. Tapping these minute details on command makes me a smart ass or know it-all and less than popular. Learning zillions of little tidbits with an exceptional long term memory makes my brain buzz sometimes. However, it allows me to think ‘outside the box.’ It also twists my capacity to react in the moment and could always do better a day or three later. When I do react it’s concise, factual, direct, and beautiful – unfortunately not usually timely.
Now that I know what I know it’s time to live and be me.
